A kid at 20, post-winning my biggest fight(s).
Welcome back to my journey. I really appreciate you sticking around and keep coming back to visit this section. Honestly, I’m still trying to get used to writing these blog posts, but I find it quite refreshing to let it all out, at last.
Today I would like to move forward to 2010, where I had to win major fights (because I had no other choice) and to start my life at the age of 20 in a mentality of 15 years old.
In 2010 I was a 20 years old kid, I’m saying I was a 20 years old kid because that’s what and who I was. Through my adolescence, I didn’t really experience what it’s like to grow up as a ‘normal’ young man. What normal even means, am I right? Well, I invested my time and precious energy in fighting a long and nerve-wracking eating disorder. I suffered from Anorexia between the ages of 16 to 21.
There were reasons for that. As a little kid, I was almost always overweight. I was laughed at and kicked at, but I guess that at that time I didn’t really let it get to me. Until I have graduated from middle-school to a new high school. That was at around 15/16 years old. We started to have pool classes and I was like “Nah… I can’t do that when my body is in this horrible shape”. So I started a diet, and this diet escalated to starving myself pretty quickly. I moved from overweight to way underweight in a matter of a few months, and I thought I was happy.
But I wasn’t.
I lost all the good times my friends have had in high school. I wasn’t drinking (gosh, did you know how many calories are in beers and Vodka-Redbull?!), I wasn’t going out (cause, what’s the point?), and overall, I wasn’t really living.
I didn’t have a girlfriend, and even when I had, my desire to give out love (let alone make love) was basically non-existence. When you’re hungry, that’s all you think about, the rest is just there, but not really there. So I somehow survived high-school and it was the time that everybody at my age must deploy to the army. I wasn’t feeling it AT ALL. I couldn’t see myself holding a weapon and really getting in another framework where other people might judge me closely and tell me what to do every day.
I couldn’t stand that feeling that it might be how my life is going to look for the next 3 years (‘FUN FACT’: In Israel, males must serve in the army for 3 years, and females must serve for 2 years). And of course, there are exceptions - ME. Of course, I was the exception, because, I mean, how couldn’t I be the exception?
I got a release letter from the army at the age of 18, and I was ready to go out to the world. I was happy that this heavy block is now off my back and I can take my music more seriously, but most importantly at that time was to heal myself from that horrendous eating disorder.
I flew out to New York at the ages of 19 and spent 6 months here discovering the new me. Luckily I found it, and without therapy, other than life itself, I managed to overcome my eating disorder and get out of this toxic environment I was rasing inside my head.
When I came back from this journey, I started to make music more seriously, and when my eating disorder was off the plate, I was ready to fill in this jar with music, emotions, story-telling, and performances.
More on that in the next post.
Once again,if you survived until here, you are up for a treat, and some Hollywood material script called my life.
xx
Love, S.